Poping The Question. Asking a Girl to marry you. June 15, 2013 – Posted in: Weddings
Asking a girl to marry you.
Every man who is about to propose to the woman he loves wants it to be a moment to treasure. You may feel a lot of pressure to get the proposal just right, but don’t worry, Loyes is here to Help you out.
Here are a few tips and pointers to consider,
Loyes 12 steps to Poping the question.
1. You shouldn’t be surprised…
It is often said that a good lawyer doesn’t ask the question unless they know the answer. And if you don’t know the answer, consider whether you’ve given your courtship enough time. (or maybe you like it that way). Determine whether or not you are ready to get engaged. Can you build a life together? Is this person that someone special for a matrimonial partnership?
Both individuals must be ready for marital responsibilities, including financial concerns, family relationships, domestic chores, and other obligations. By discussing different aspects of marriage long before becoming engaged, a couple can understand each other’s preferences and will know what to expect from their union. Do test the waters!
*A note on the asking the father approach. Many people feel this may be an antiquated tradition. In saying that and although its not for everyone, asking his permission to seek her hand in marriage shows respect and appreciation to future in-laws. A little effort now will reap the benefits later. (see post on asking her father) Click HERE
2. …but she should.
Women love surprises but they are very hard to keep things from.
Keep your cards close to your chest. Don’t tell too many friends. Lie.
Just don’t ask her in a supermarket aisle!
3. Only go public if it’s a sure thing.
If there’s any uncertainty, popping the question in front of 85,000 fans in Croke Park could either:
1) be the most humiliating moment of your life; or
2) force her to croak out a “yes” that she (and you) will later regret.
In any event, think very, very hard before making a public proposal. Maybe at a league of Ireland away fixture in the rain on a winters night might be less embarrassing and if she says no …..well at least only 20 or 30 fans will feel sorry for you.
Get off the internet……thinking of a unique and personal approach to getting it right is just that…….don’t try copy what someone else has done….you’ll only mess it up. You already know everything you need for a memorable proposal. All you need to do is think about her interests and then tailor your proposal accordingly. It shows that you actually know her, love her, get her.
If she’s a bungee jumping adrenalin junky, then maybe incorporate a jump and organize the guys to lower you down when she’s dangling above the ground after her body has gone from 0 to 100 in 2 seconds, …….. just don’t drop the ring !
5. Guard the ring like it’s the only one you can ever get.
Yep we’ve heard it all? But it’s shocking how many guys hatch some bold, creative plan that ends up with the ring lost or in with the rubish. Plan nothing that risks the Ring. Don’t bury it on a beach. Don’t hide it in her food and don’t toss it in the washing machine and have her (hopefully) find it and get it out.
There IS a fine line between creativity and stupidity. Don’t go near that line.
6. Take a knee.
A bit over the top? Maybe a little. But by taking a knee, you fulfill the vision that she’s had since she was a very little girl. Also, her girlfriends will specifically ask her whether you got down on a knee. Let her answer the right way. Get down there……. It was good enough for your father …..and his before him.
7. Keep heavy eye contact.
This is the big one and you mean it. It shows confidence.
Lock onto her eyes and never glance away.
Just like in poker, a nervous glance to the side is a “tell” that could lose you the hand. ( blinking won’t cost you the “yes,” but why take chances?)
8. Actually have a ring.
Don’t be a half cooked !……..Bring the engagement ring. It shows you care for her and it shows you love her and want to be with her. Many men who come in to see us aren’t really sure what kind of ring their partner might like so often they will propose with a token ring and afterwards come in to see us together an pick the perfect ring.
* When proposing with a token ring don’t get one that is too big or your partner may be a little disappointed when the budget doesn’t allow for such a big ring. At loyes we can loan you a ring for the proposal.
Popping the question without a ring is ok but not nearly as romantic or as memorable for the both of you as asking and then placing the ring on her finger.
Practice makes perfect.
Look in the mirror.
Propose to your dog.
Say it in the shower.
It’s embarrassing and you’ll feel like a moron, but it’ll give you more confidence in the big moment.
Hear the words come from your mouth for the first time. Believe this is happening……. You can do it……. Go for it man !!!
10. The setting is a major factor.
Ambiance is key. It’s better to have an outdoor intimate candlelit picnic than a lavish wallet busting dinner at a “Fancy pants new restaurant”. It can be pricey or cheap, small or big, private or public, but the atmosphere must brim with romance. We’re often wary of “what may seem a bit cheesy” and shy away from roses and that kinda stuff. But not here. This is the big one.
As they say pull out all the stops and you’ll be glad you did.
We know. This seems like a contradiction but as long as you’ve thought this through–planned things and how they should work out, ensured she’ll say yes, practiced in the shower, wrecked the pet dogs head with practice proposals–you’ll be fine 100 % .
She is the one that should be in shock….you are in control. Don’t worry about stuttering or sweating or messing up the lines……….. she will know what you meant the first time and will her head will be in orbit even if you trip over your words and are pumping out sweat like you’ve just swallowed the worlds hottest curry, don’t worry, she’ll find it endearing. That said, have a towel on standby.
You’ll only have to do this the once so lay your emotions to bare.
The interminable moments before “yes” can be nerve-wracking and may seem interminable, but nothing compares to the joy of hearing that cherished answer.
12. Then let it go………..
Don’t just utter those 4 little words, tell her why she’s the one for you, what marriage means to you, and what your hopes for the future are. You might say something like –
“My life has never and could never be the same after I met you. You’ve made me more joyful, more stable, and more inspired. I can’t picture the rest of my life without you by my side. Will you do me the honor of marrying me and make me the happiest man in the world?”
This is it. This is the one moment that belongs only to you and your future wife. Make it last. This is one of the most intimate memories that you will ever share with anyone, anywhere, anytime. This is the calm before the storm, the slice of peacefulness before you make 100 calls to the family, friends, and the various organizers and officials. It’s the final truly quiet moment until your wedding. Savor it.
Call your parents first, followed by close family members such as siblings, grandparents, and any relatives they are close to as well as very close friends. Formal announcements , such as newspaper engagements or other printed announcements, should be distributed after the personal announcements have been shared.
As more people learn of the engagement, celebrating the moment is more important. A couple may send out engagement cards or be the be invite friends and family to an engagement party.
A couple of things about Timing…
Timing does matter. The month of your proposal could impact the length of engagement. If you want a long engagement, for example, propose in the spring–there’s a good chance she can’t whip together a summer event, so there you go, you’ve bought yourself more than a year.
Alternatively, if you propose in the winter, you could go down the aisle by the first day of summer/autumn.
Other good dates to propose include Valentines day, A Birthday, Christmas and, New Years eve.
If you’re still not sure about some things here a a few things we would strongly advise against you doing.
1. Don’t Hide the Engagement Ring in Food
2. Don’t Propose at a Sports Game
3. Don’t Do it in Front of Her Family
4. Don’t make it too complicated
5. Don’t propose too early into the relationship.
6. Don’t always expect her to say yes from the very start (You’re asking someone to spend the rest of their life with you – an extremely important decision. Just because you’ve asked, doesn’t mean she is ready to say yes. If your darlin’ says maybe, take it in your stride and give her some time to consider the proposal)
GOOD LUCK MATE…………………